Addiction & Obsession - Hard to read and hard to write!

Time to blog about the pain and dark secrets of addiction, obsession or "out of control" behavior. I am eternally optimistic and positive so this is VERY difficult for me to write. I am also striving to be transparent and to pull back the curtain on my own life. I can only heal myself and help others by being forthright and gut wrenching honest. I am REAL and these are my "real" struggles. A person is as sick as their "secrets". Obsessions come in many forms. I believe we do not even recognize them ourselves as obsessions. Of course, there are the common addictions or obsessions such as alcohol, overeating, bulimia, gambling and drug use. How about being obsessed with work, shopping, gossiping, talking too much on the phone, never being able to say "no"? Obsessions are a way to escape from the present. I can be a woman of extremes without limits, so I know obsessions well. Obsessions and addictions are "our" way of numbing the pain. The trouble with trying to numb pain is, it can never be completely numbed unless a person ends their life. And any person with a serious addiction at one time or another has had those thoughts, I am sure. Why is it, at the first notion of pain we run to our crutch and numb ourselves once more. We want to ESCAPE the pain rather than working through the pain. We want to leave, bolt, run away. We don't want to FEEL. Allowing yourself to feel rather than escaping takes work and a commitment to heal. When feeling pain it is necessary to be present and aware of who you are and "heck" that sounds time consuming and excruciating. We have a hard time living in the present. We want to live in the past or in the future. To allow yourself to feel and live in the present you need to believe you are worth it TODAY. I know I am worth it in my head and I have begun to believe it in my heart. So when the pain comes I will remain in the present and walk through it. Pain will come for all of us, it is part of life. But if you resist the urge to run and numb the pain and you stay present there is hope, life and JOY just around the corner. I can see it for you and I can see it for me! I have -24.6 lbs less of pain today and I am grateful.