Peeling off the layers ...

My blog today is a continuation of last week, my journey to accept and embrace the "Pollyana" within me. As I work diligently to make this journey about peeling off the lbs, I am also striving to peel off the layers within that hold me back from being "truly" myself. I went to a seminar years ago and the speaker asked us to bring photos in of ourselves that were taken between the ages of 3-5. We were to study the photos closely and imagine how it felt to be that particular age, to sense the freedom we may have felt at that particular time. Interestingly enough, most of my photos were of me with a big grin on my face or I looked like I was giggling or dancing. The speaker mentioned that these photos most likely represented our "real" self. As we go on in life we all tend to put on layers. Layers that can feel comfortable and protect us from nasty comments, bullying, lack of affection or attention. We all had a sense of innocence as a child, a feeling that our world was the happiest place ever. But as life goes on we get bumped and trampled on, and we protect ourselves as best as we know how. I had a warm and wonderful relationship with my "daddy" but he died in a tragic accident when I was 11 years old. I can remember the day as if it was yesterday. I was the one who answered the door that dreadful day and knew in my heart immediately something was terribly wrong. I had only hugged him goodbye several hours previously. I still cry to this day, I have never stopped missing my daddy.  My world was never quite the same after that. My daddy and I were pals, we understood each other. I decided I never wanted to feel that way again, so I built layers around my heart to protect myself. My mom as I have said earlier was not necessarily very affectionate or warm. Her love was demonstrated from her sacrifices not necessarily the warmth of our relationship. Suddenly I needed to hide and protect myself, so the layers continued to pile on. But NOW I am peeling the layers off as I peel the lbs off. I am facing my demons straight on, only to realize they have no power over me or ever did. This is the first time in my life I feel like I am losing weight from the inside out. I am peeling off layers such as fear, secrets, or pleasing others. As I peel the layers back I am finding my "Pollyana" again, she loves life, people, sunshine and she loves to be 30 lbs slimmer.