Confessions and Revelations from my clothes closet

I was blessed this last month with the sweet and beautiful  presence of my daughter for four weeks while she worked on two of her up and coming writing projects. Trisha and I are extremely close, we are like best friends, two peas in a pod. We love to laugh until we are rolling on the floor about the most mundane and silly things. We love to shop, drink lattes,  talk deeply about matters of the heart, eat good food, drink wine (although I never had even a glass while she was here because of my commitment, a sacrifice for sure) and we both adore our dogs. She has great fashion style (as noted by the above picture, lol!) and I trust her instinctively. I decided to ask her for her honest opinion on all my clothes in my closet, of course she was more than happy to provide her voice. I somehow had lost my sense of style, I could not even tell if my clothes were the latest fashion or more appropriate for a masquerade party. Well, we dumped every single garment from my closet on the bed until my master bed was overflowing with every color, size and style imaginable. I tried every single article on, or at least attempted to put it on. I had many varying sizes because of the fluctuation of my weight over the years. I thought she would hate most of my clothes but to her surprise and mine she liked most of what I had it my closet. All except for a few articles of clothing, and with those particular pieces she was quite expressive. "Mom, that is horrendous, or that is horrific, do not go out of the house with that on I beg you, run, burn it, throw it in the garbage bag, quickly! We howled until the tears rolled down our cheeks.


Trisha then asked me a very revealing question, "mom, you have some great clothes, why in the world do you wear the same 2 or 3 outfits over and over again"? I was deep in thought as she organized my whole closet with sweaters, jackets, pants, shells etc in perfect order. She then pulled out different pieces and showed me how to pair items together, I was flabbergasted,  she created perfectly and beautiful coordinated outfits in just moments. It was like watching one of those reality shows, except neither one of us were getting paid.


So the BIG question loomed and rattled in my head for days. Why was I wearing the same couple of outfits over and over again. Here is my confession. I had literally boxed myself into a hole, did not feel good about myself and had become complacent with a "what's the use" attitude. Why, would I spend much time picking out an outfit when I felt ugly anyways. Yes, I could look nice for my clients but they didn't see me everyday either. One day after Trisha left for New York, I made myself spend time in my closet just observing and taking note of my clothes. I began to notice stains on more than few different blouses. I am ashamed that I did not even take the time to properly care for my clothes. I had become lazy about how I looked and my personal care. Why, because I felt like there was no use, no hope, I was doomed. I did not like myself or how I looked. I have been on this road of discovery along with you for many months now and this particular lesson hurt when I took the time to be honest.


But self discovery is inspiring and being aware allows us to change. I am not proud of my lack of personal care in the past but I do know I am not alone. I will not hide the truth, some of you can relate. The above story is only "where" I came from not "where" I find myself today. Today, I am energized with a belief that I am valuable, unique, loving, kind and compassionate human being. In fact, I rather like myself now!! Each day I bounce out of bed with anticipation of what I am going to wear that day, I bounce out faster now with 38 lbs long gone. As I look down the road on my journey I see my daughter waiting for me in New York. When I arrive we will "shop until we drop" looking for new clothes for my "girlish" new figure. We will laugh, cry, drink wine together and celebrate. That will be a day to remember!