I have always struggled with the ALL or NOTHING mentality. If I can't do things perfectly then why even bother, this is faulty thinking. I mentioned in a previous blog, I once fell off my "diet wagon" after losing 25 lbs simply because I ate a "cookie crumb" which caused me to sprial back to my old eating patterns, I ended up gaining all my weight back and more, it started with just a "crumb", crazy huh!
These last weeks have been filled with much emotion. A week ago the Dr Oz contest ended and then over the weekend our family held my brother's Memorial. I entered Dr Oz contest knowing that I would have very little chance of winning since there were over 1.2 millions entries BUT somehow that carrot helped me to continue to push myself, keep me blogging and kept me on track. So between the contest ending and all the emotion of my brother's memorial I was bound to have a set back. I knew it would be coming and it did. Monday and Tuesday of this week were very difficult days for me. I wanted to revert back to old, comfortable and soothing habits both in eating and a "lack" of exercise. For two days I felt sorry for myself, (always with a smile on my face though), I did not exercise and filled my tummy with more food then it needed. Then the voices came back," see, you can't do it", you are doomed to be overweight" and "you don't deserve to be slim", those darn voices dragged on for hours, even worse, I was listening. Fortunately, during my journey with blogland and you, my friends, I have learned many things about myself that our invaluable. I have learned that I will fall sometimes, it is inevitable. For me to expect myself to NEVER have a bad day or make an unwise choice is unrealistic. I need to give myself grace just like I do for others in my life. The solution is; when I trip or fall, I need to pick myself up quicker, dust myself off, smile, even laugh and continue on. Life and human behavior are never going to be perfect but "giving up" is never an option.
On Wednesday, I made myself take a run around the lake even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. Amazingly enough, the minute I felt the wind on my face about 200 yards into my jog, the FOG completely lifted in my head. The fresh air, music in my ears and just moving my body, energized me physically and emotionally almost instantaneoulsy.
I KNOW with certainty I am going to have bad days. This is a struggle I will face the rest of my life. But I refuse to give up!! I am a GOOD person, my self worth is not based on perfect behavior but on who I am. This journey is about progression NOT perfection! I am back on the road again, taking one day at a time and thankful that I had a set back! "WHY"? you ask, because I dusted myself off faster then ever before and that is amazing progression for me!
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